Eulogy to an archived in-joke

I found these ridiculous photos the other day from a 'guess what I'm writing/drawing' game on a long coach trip somewhere. We used to play all kinds of silly games on our day trips.

These silly games were like an in-joke. We had plenty of in-jokes, as most families do.

Chopper legs.

Police Academy face.

Decomposing aliens.

Whilst you could hazard an accurate guess at what each of these might refer to, you’ll never know the extent of the in-joke as... well, you’re not a part of them. That’s the beauty of an in-joke. It creates a bond, a sense of community between you and the other members of it. These were just three of mine and my mum’s in-jokes and I have not heard them leave someone’s mouth since the day she died. Petrified, pickled, frozen in time.

That’s not to say that (when they fit) I don’t quietly and hopefully drop them into conversation with people I’m close to. Usually met with a vacant stare or confused prompt for more information. I explain, and the interlocutor mumbles, ‘Ahhh...’, looks appeased and then we move on with the conversation. It’s, quite rightly, not funny to them. They weren’t there when the in-joke was created. It hasn’t been in their bank of familiar phrases for 20 years. It doesn’t belong to them.

And do you know what, it turns out that it’s a small but fairly challenging aspect of Adult Ophandom for me. I only realised the other day looking at a photo of me unwittingly pulling Police Academy face just how odd it was to have no-one to laugh and say those words aloud with. In the past, we’d point, giggle and both know EXACTLY what the other was thinking. I hope in these times she hears them still and laughs along with me.

Archived in-jokes create a vacuum in generic life anecdotage, little things we take for granted on a week-to-week basis. It's exacerbated when you have no other human being still alive that shared those years with you.

But what I do have now, are new in-jokes shared with other people. Friends at work. Friends that weren’t in my life two years ago. Friends that have been around for 20 years. In-jokes that make me smile, feel warm inside and belong.

I’d share them with you, but...