Attending a parent’s inquest

If your mum or dad have died and it’s sudden or unexplained, it’s likely there will be an inquest. This takes place in court and is often conducted by a judge, though procedures will no doubt be different in other countries. Other officials acting as witnesses attend too (for Mum’s inquest it was her doctor and the coroner).

Be warned – as inquests take place in open court, anyone can attend. If there is any ‘interest’ attached to your parent’s death, such as it happening under suspicious circumstances or if they were high profile in the public eye, the media could turn up.

If you have an inquest coming up:

• Put on your bravest face

• Wear something your parent would have loved

• Take someone with you

• Go armed with any questions you've been thinking of

• Be prepared to have to listen to a clinical run down of how your parent died, and how the autopsy went

• Plan something nice to do afterwards - you deserve a treat!

• This guidance could help those potentially expecting the media to turn up

• This government guidance and charity might be useful for readers based in the UK.

I was rather unlucky with the timelines following Mum’s death. The suspected cause of death took about a week to reach me, and then the confirmed cause of death via inquest took a year. A year!

I held an interim death certificate for her until then, which caused some problems resolving life admin (death admin?) paperworky things, even though I was assured it would work exactly the same as a final one.

The inquest itself wasn’t as bad as I’d built it up to be, despite ruminating on it for a year. I wore something nice, had someone with me and we went away on a mini-break straight after. I will say, however, that it was tough listening. I heard how she died, what happened as her body shut down, and clinical facts and stats from the autopsy.

The judge, doctor and other officials in the room were kind and sympathetically answered the questions I’d been harbouring for over a year (and still haven’t really let go of). It’s either a coincidence or more that she died the day after she saw a doctor…

But I asked my questions that I’d written down on a little bit of paper, pushed as hard as I could, and everyone in the court gently explained it all to me. They were all in agreement on the verdict, so I had to try and let it go.

The verdict was that she had contracted lobar pneumonia which developed instantly and killed her hours later. The underlying cause was COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), a lung disease she developed from smoking on and off her whole life. Very unfortunately for her (and me) her excellent work at quitting a year or so before she died was too late and the damage was already done. Meh. (Don't smoke, kids.)

At the inquest, the fact she went to the doctors the day before was a coincidence. It was for something else, and actually that day she had been feeling full of resolve for a bright new future ahead. Typical eh, or spooky?

It’s hard not to put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5 if you’re not armed with the facts to make 4 though. And again, a year for that answer, so it's easy to ruminate...

I hope yours, if you have one ahead, goes smoothly and you don't have such a long wait.

Good luck and let us know how you get on x