Master your own support network

Sometimes it’s easy to focus on those we have lost and forget to be grateful for those we have not. The ‘alive’ people. The ones in the here and now; our present. A support network offers all the best Cs in life – company, care, connectivity. So, who’s in your support network of alive people and what do they bring to your life?

It’s high time I gave a high five to the people who are still alive in my life. I’m not going to name names. You know who you are. Thank you. You’re the people who care for me and about me. The people who knew Mum and the people who didn’t. The people who provide me with a sense of belonging after a period of feeling clan-less.

I am lucky to have lots of incredible people in my life: friends; colleagues; a small smattering of extended family; a non-blood family member who has stepped up to be the father figure that I never had. I love them all and couldn’t imagine life without them. They are my clan now.

I’d like you to do something right now. Well, maybe after you get to the end of and share this post... I would like you to think about the people in your life that support you in some way. Or could do, if given half the chance. They might be a mix of close friends and family, right down to the acquaintances that you barely see but can turn to for snippets of advice.

You might find people on the list that are like guardian angels – people generally hidden in the background of your life but seem to pop up just when you need it, without ever really needing to ask them.

Even if your number is countable on one hand, it’s important to make the most of their presence in your life. They are your support network and you are the master of it. Don’t be afraid to drop them a line. Chances are they might have good intentions to do the same, however:

Firstly, human beings are busy creatures and sometimes just forget

And secondly, they might be reticent about invading your space or saying the wrong thing.

Grab a pen or have a think about who you could contact to:

• Get some advice?

• Share some good or bad news?

• Invite to a special occasion?

• Go shopping with?

• Cook or be cooked for?

• Treat to a gift?

• Tell you what they really think about xyz?

• Put down ICE (in case of emergency)?

• Bail you out when you mess up?

• Unload the anecdotes of a stressful day?

If you have stopped doing any of these typical parent-child activities because it’s more comforting to wallow in solitude, see if you can find the courage to start doing a couple of them again. Pick a person to approach. Test the water. Even relationships that aren’t obviously or historically strong can become lovely in new ways after a simple stroll into town together or couple of quickie phone catch-ups.

One of the strangest things for me initially was deciding who to put down as my ‘next of kin’. I’d be standing at a reception desk of some kind, casually filling in a form, and... BAM! I’d suddenly be holding back tears because that parental role was vacant.

But you find people to fulfil these new roles. A partner. Another family member. A close friend. And you know what? It’s OK if it changes. It’s reflective of what real life is like for some people. Not all of us have consistency year to year.

Don’t forget that they might appreciate the extra attention too. Just be sure to show your appreciation every now and then (which is a standard habit we should all try to adopt... not just adult orphans!). Support networks take work, on both sides, so remember to make the effort too and thou shalt be rewarded.

My point being, is that whatever you used to go to your parent/s for, there are other people in your life right now who can fulfil those various duties.

Heads up – if possible, try to spread the load a little, so that it does not all fall to one person. If that’s unavoidable, just try to remember if you suddenly start bickering that it’s a lot of responsibility for them to shoulder. In this happens, take a step back, observe, reflect, patiently discuss, learn and grow.

I would love to hear about who features in your support network. Share the love for yours below and then send them this link <3